Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
