The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
