So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
