I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
