i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
this will be a night to untag.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
