A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
