I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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