and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
