I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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