I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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