Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
