I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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