Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
