my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
