Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
