How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
