We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
