I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
