Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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