pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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