WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
