she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is my gift to your gina
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
