dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dick very happy bro
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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