Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
