i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
