Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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