Already got asked if we're dating
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
