Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
