What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
