what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
