Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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