hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
