I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
