I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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