oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
