Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
