i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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