a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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