My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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