There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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