atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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