new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
