Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
