Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
