Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
