She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
