worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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