I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
