he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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