i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Drunk is a universal language darling
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