found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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