Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
