Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
worst night to have a conscience
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
