You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
